It has taken me a long time to accept that I am exactly where I need to be. For a long time I lived in the future, I will be happy when I get married, when I get a promotion, when I have more money, when I have more adventures, when I have children, when I get divorced, when I move out.
I came across mindfulness back in 2007. I bought a huge book on it and devoured it. There were many benefits so I thought I would give it a go. Trying to be mindful in a busy retail environment was difficult, when I say difficult that is probably an understatement, it was challenging. When I learnt Reiki there were 5 precepts, which started Just for Today. I began to recite this to myself every morning before work. Again, it was a struggle. It has taken me over 10 years to fully accept living in the present moment and even now I sometimes have blips. Recently I spent two weeks in a space of fear. My mind wandering to potential outcomes of an upcoming family court hearing. I felt stuck, immobilised by fear and crying randomly. I realised I needed to do some work on me to get out of this funk so sat with it for a while. My biggest fear? Losing my children. It all felt too real. I began yet again to remind myself, just for today.
Mindfulness is a practise. It is not something which comes overnight. We are all shedding many layers of old beliefs, systems and structures and sometimes our mind plays tricks on us, pushing us into the future, of which we don’t actually know the outcomes.
This was a channelled poem I wrote, which is an excerpt from my new book, The Semi Offgrid Journey: One mums journey of living in a caravan for a year. You can grab your copy here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Semi-Offgrid-Journey-journey-caravan/dp/1916280587/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1657266638&sr=8-1
Where to be? Who to be? Those are the questions most asked. We know, we hear, we listen. We whisper back, “you are exactly where you need to be right now. You are exactly who you need to be in this moment. Stay. Be present. Allow. Accept. In the moment. Beat by beat. Are you present? Are you there? Are you in the moment? Or elsewhere?